The Social Butterfly

I have been quite the social butterfly this weekend.

Last night, I attended a Dinner and Dance in appreciation of zoo volunteers who had just completed two months of training. Contrary to the title, there was no dance, only dinner. It was a fun event with good food, good company and games. The CEO of the organization came down to thank us for our efforts and that was rather humbling. If I am able to make even a microscopic impact on this fight for conservation in my lifetime, I would be a very happy soldier.

As with all events that require me to get well dressed up with (heavy) make-up, I was anxious the whole time. The extra attention and the unfamiliarity that it brings makes me feel uncomfortable and out of my natural element. Attempts to explain myself, brush off compliments modestly and shy away from the spotlight probably makes well-wishers think that I have low self esteem about my looks or worse, think that I secretly love the attention but pretend otherwise. I have none of those. In fact, being human, I do crave attention, but that's more for (more permanent, hard to fake and harder to achieve) inward characteristics rather than (temporary, easy to purchase and apply) exaggerated outward appearances. Try explaining all that if it came up during a dinner conversation without sounding like a freak! (I don't bother).

Why bother to dress up well, then? Well, I believe that dressing up appropriately for an occasion is essential. Whether it be a wedding, an interview, a party, a club, a holy site, a funeral - all have social rules that *I* think one must comply with if they decide to attend such an event or place. So I put in a lot of thought to blend in and avoid going under-dressed, over-dressed or inappropriately dressed. With a little advanced mental conditioning, I venture out of my comfort zones to acquire appropriate dresses/shoes (that I would not normally wear), get help from a skilled person for make up (even if I hardly recognise myself later or sometimes in the past have scared myself when looking in the mirror!) and try my best to hide the anxiousness (when I observe or imagine others reacting differently to me compared to other times).

Oh Shu, they are yet to find a cure for self-inflicted paranoia!